Health-wise, things are taking a turn for the better for me. I recently added a new medication to my lingual-nerve-pain-cocktail, which has not only helped with the pain, but also with my migraines and my mood. A 3-in-1 miracle! And it’s not actually a pain medication, so it’s non-narcotic. It’s been a great month compared to the past many months and I feel very fortunate. Like things are finally working together and finding the right balance. I am actually feeling – dare I say it? – normal. Who knew just-plain-normal could feel so good?
I never before appreciated what I considered normal. Of course everyone’s normal is different and sometimes we want to improve our normal, especially if our normal includes depression, anxiety, and chronic pain or illness. If our normal is pretty good, it tends to go unnoticed. And I have to admit that I was spoiled for a long time with a pretty uneventful (and unappreciated) normal. And then suddenly things went all out of whack and I kept wishing for my normal back. In retrospect I realize that my so-called-normal really did need improving long before I suffered the nerve damage and panic associated with it. I became anxious. And maybe a little depressed. It was so subtle and slow-growing, that I didn’t even notice that my normal was becoming not-so-normal.
As my kids were getting older, my worries were increasing to the point where I was becoming overbearing as a mother (my kids would question the use of past-tense for this sentence). I even started treating my husband like a child when he traveled because I worried about something happening to him (my husband might question the use of past-tense for this sentence). My mind always jumped to the worst-case-scenario every time my son drove somewhere and forgot to text me when he arrived at his destination (I question the use of past-tense for this sentence… you get the idea). It strikes me now that I needed something bigger to shake me up, to tell me that things were getting out of control. I think the nerve damage and panic were the catalysts for me to seek help and make some long-needed changes.
I’m now learning that normal is elusive… It’s constantly changing. Today’s normal is not necessarily tomorrow’s normal. I need to embrace this ever-changing landscape. To roll with the punches. What a difficult thing to do! But ever-so-slowly and with great trepidation, I am grasping that without the bad days, the good days wouldn’t feel so good. And now I appreciate the uneventful (so-called-normal) days more than ever.
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